I’ve got to say, for being a single dude, God has really blessed my life in some pretty fantastic ways. I’m surrounded by a lot of amazing people who walk with me daily through life’s joys and fears. I’m never bereft of company or something to do. And should I ever feel overwhelmed in any way, I need but utter the word and I have the support and comfort of any number of caring friends.
Even so, there are times when I abruptly pause as the wind of desire tears through me – a thought, a glimpse, a sharp pain. That life didn’t pan out as I’d once dreamed. By now, I fully expected to be married to an incredible woman with a second child on the way. Instead, it seems that the turbulence of coming to terms with a gay orientation stopped me in my tracks. Not just a pot-hole in the road that slowed me down but rather a major accident on the highway that incapacitated me for years … perhaps indefinitely. My heart longs for things that often feel so far beyond my reach. I wish to reflect the depths of God’s love for me in the deep welling heart rending love for a child of my own. I yearn to romance a Godly man, shower him with affection, and partner together through life. How I long for family sometimes. Sure, being single is great. I do whatever I want, whenever I want, with whomever I want. I can follow my itchy feet to the heights of every 14′er CO has to offer, explore the four corners of the globe … and yet there will always be one adventure I long for. The adventure of family. That of a lover. That of a father – a provider. I wish to follow Christ in laying down my life, resources, and heart for the objects of my affection.
And so for the millionth time, I find myself reminded to step back and consider how God is moving in my world even now. As Barry Danylack, Redeeming Singleness, points out, my life as a single man “is a visible reminder that the kingdom of God points to a reality which stands beyond worldly preoccupations of marriage, family, and career.” The reality that this love story is about Him … and me. That I can rejoice daily in recognizing His affection for me – how He woos and attends my heart to make it His own. And in that knowledge, I am again content.